Contrary to what the title may suggest, I am not writing this to complain about my lot in life. I am simply venting in an attempt to create an understanding of why my life (and potentially that of others) is the way it is.
This post has been a long time coming. Since beginning college at age 17/18, I have lost many friends and had several conversations/arguments of why I’m never around, always busy, or too tired to live a life similar to that of my peers. I have been accused of avoiding people, not truly living my life, giving up my young age, etc. Recently, out of frustration I told someone to please attempt to imagine what it is like to be me. He replied, “Does anyone know what it’s like to be you?” Good point, maybe this will help.
When I, often regrettably, tell someone I can’t go out because I’m tired or have homework it is because I am tired and have homework. Any single mother, serious college student, workaholic, etc. has been/is there. For example, I attend a university as a full time student to earn my Ph.D. degree. I concurrently work a forty-hour-a-week day job and teach two courses at a nearby community college. I also sell books online. Lastly, I am researching and saving maniacally to buy my first house this summer. This doesn’t leave a lot of time (or money) for going to movies, clubbing, or that elusive free time everyone keeps talking about. At the same time I am suffering from a couple of chronic illnesses and fighting a potentially life-threatening situation. Don’t you think all of these things are constantly in the back of my mind? This hinders me from being your beck-and-call girl.
Oh and I choose to be here? As in you’re insinuating my crazy schedule is completely my fault? Well yes, it totally is but excuse me for pushing myself to fulfill my ambition and dreams. How hard are you willing to work for a dream? Am I to be punished for success? (That happens but that will be another blog post later).
Despite my complaints, I do have a few very wonderful people that understand when I have to disappear at the end of each semester. They patiently wait for me to clear my schedule and resist the resentment resulting from believing I don’t want to see them. I love you guys, you rock.
So if you have someone that has been a ghost in your life lately, maybe they are actually busy or have something going on you don’t know about or don’t understand. Talk to them. Please, at least try to understand. How would you feel if you were going through that? It sounds elementary but it is amazing how many people lack empathy. Don’t immediately become offended and defensive because you feel you are no longer that person’s patron saint. Be supportive and they will definitely notice and love you for it.