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All posts for the month March, 2013

I Hate “Real Women” Or At Least the Use of the Term

Published March 15, 2013 by Tabby

I love this person’s blog that speaks out on the putting down of thinner women by stating they aren’t “real women,” a super pet peeve of mine. I swear I see the “real women” thing every single day. Insulting another person’s body or personhood does not improve your own.

“Why I Don’t Hate ‘Skinny’ Women,” FullerFigureFullerBust.com, http://fullerfigurefullerbust.com/2012/08/08/why-i-dont-hate-skinny-women/ (accessed March 15, 2013).

There seems to be some sort of unwritten rule on social media sites that in order to accept yourself as a larger woman you have to put smaller women down. “Real women have curves.”

“Only a dog likes bones.”

“I want to look like a WOMAN, not a BOY.”

I see this all too often. Slim women pitted against larger women in images. Smaller women modelling items and being accused of not meeting the demands of those who want to wear them. Petite women being labelled as ‘curvy’ and being met with torrents of abuse from larger women – “If SHE’S curvy then I’m a sphere! She looks like she’ll break!” I am so sick of those comments.

I have seen some women insinuate that slimmer women deserve the hate they often have poured upon them. One lady told me that she had had enough of being attacked by the mainstream and media and it was time to fight back – and that seemed to mean slagging of smaller women and heaping verbal venom upon them. She mentioned how she had been bullied by slimmer girls because of her size, and therefore wanted to turn the tables and give them a taste of their own medicine. I was baffled.

Did she think that pulling one (no doubt innocent) slender lady apart was payback for her own personal hell? That inflicting body snark upon another would end her suffering? Did she not stop to think that it would make someone else’s begin? And at what point had she come to the conclusion that slim women were so physically unattractive that they needed to be taunted with cruel words and phrases?

These ideas that slim women are not curvy, not real, going to snap, have eating disorders, are not attractive to men – they are disgusting stereotypes that seem to be muttered by every other plus size woman who uses social media to express herself. I understand that some people might not like to see images of slim women for whatever reason, but why tear them down like their feelings don’t matter and they are worthless? It is just as bad as calling all bigger women fat, lazy, diabetic unattractive pigs. It won’t undo any name calling, it will just drive an even bigger wedge in between women. You can pretend that you are concerned for that person’s health til you’re blue in the face – but the fact is that you are pandering to stupid stereotypes that don’t resemble the truth in 99% of cases, and that is plain malicious.

I mean, we all have our preferences and opinions. We wouldn’t be human without those conscious and unconscious desires and thoughts. So why present those opinions as potentially hurtful facts, often designed to make yourself look better?

“How can a woman that size be curvy – I’M curvy.” I see comments like this so often. And every time the abuse of the word ‘curvy’ boils my blood! Firstly curvy is a shape, any women with any dress size CAN be curvy, just as larger women can be more straight shaped. That is a fact that we can see walking among us every day! And secondly, why do people see images on the internet, process a negative thought and then post that reaction as a hate filled comment on the image for everyone to see? It literally makes no sense!

I, for example, cannot stand Louis Vuitton handbags. All those L’s and V’s make me cross eyed and to my mind the items scream ‘Look at me, I am designer!’ So when I see said bag in an image that is not asking for my constructive criticism, I keep my thoughts to myself as no one wants to hear them and that is not why the image is there. If I were being invited to let my thoughts be heard I may politely say that I don’t really like Louis Vuitton bags but I like the shoes the model is wearing – I like to balance the bad with the good! I see no point in tearing something down just because it is not to my own personal, unique and possibly solitary taste.

I wish more people, particularly women, would realise that being intolerably rude about someone they don’t know or know anything about is bullying, and that is the only truly ugly thing to be found in situations where abusive derogatory terms are spewed out from behind a keyboard. It makes them look bad, jealous, rude, spiteful. Grotesque emotions that blacken the heart and twist the soul. And guess what? There’s more to life than looks and whether or not someone ate all the cheeseburgers or needs to eat a cheeseburger. I will never hate skinny women. Do you know why? Because I am not at war with anyone but myself, and I don’t need validation in the form of abusing others over the internet with my words of hatred and my cruel assumptions.

I do not want to give what I hate to receive – an opinion of a single snapshot that does not impact my life and will not make me a better person.

Let’s end the body snark war, together, once and for all. Let’s end it by realising that every woman has the potential to be perfect in the eyes of someone else.

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Common Cultural Mistakes While Traveling

Published March 4, 2013 by Tabby

This may come as a suprise, but other countries have different customs than we do in the United States. Some of these may be older but many are common. For those of you traveling abroad for Spring Break this is just a quick reminder of cultural faux pas. Please help fight the somewhat accurate stereotype of the stupid American.

This post is mostly from an article in Time and some additions from myself on common mistakes made while traveling. While these specific examples are helpful the overall point is that cultures different from our own exist. This does not make ours better and theirs worse so we need to be respectful when we travel. In addition, do a little research on these customs before traveling to a different country. It’s not that difficult, doesn’t take up too much time, and will save you from looking like just another “stupid American.”

 “World’s Worst Cultural Mistakes,” Time http://www.travelandleisure.com/slideshows/worlds-worst-cultural-mistakes (accessed December 28, 2012).

 1. Touching Someone

It’s offensive in: Korea, Thailand, China, Europe, the Middle East

 Personal space varies as you travel the globe. In Mediterranean countries, if you refrain from touching someone’s arm when talking to them or if you don’t greet them with kisses or a warm embrace, you’ll be considered cold. But backslap someone who isn’t a family member or a good friend in Korea, and you’ll make them uncomfortable. In Thailand, the head is considered sacred—never even pat a child on the head. This is why international media viewed the hug between Michelle Obama and the Queen of England as a huge deal.

 What you should do instead: Observe what locals are doing and follow suit. In Eastern countries remember that touching and public displays of affection are unacceptable. In places like Qatar and Saudi Arabia, men and women are forbidden from interacting, let alone touching.

 2. The Use of Right and Left Hands

It’s offensive in: India, Morocco, Africa, the Middle East

 Many cultures still prefer to eat using traditional methods—their hands. In these cases, food is often offered communally, which is why it’s important to wash your hands before eating and observe the right-hand-is-for-eating and the left-hand-is-for-other-duties rule. The Romans used their right hands for eating and greeting while the left was used for personal hygiene. If you eat with your left hand, expect your fellow diners to be mortified. And when partaking from a communal bowl, stick to a portion that’s closest to you. Do not get greedy and plunge your hand into the center.

 What you should do instead: Left-handed? Attempt to be ambidextrous—even children who are left-handed in these cultures are taught to eat with their right hand—or at least explain yourself to your fellow diners before plunging in.

 3. Keeping Your Clothes On

It’s offensive in: Scandinavian countries, Turkey

 Wearing bathing suits, shorts and T-shirts, underwear, or any other piece of clothing into a sauna, hammam, or other place of physical purification. In some cultures, a steam room or a sauna is considered a place of purity and reflection, where the outside world (i.e., your clothes) should be left outside. In some Scandinavian countries it’s common for entire families to sauna together in the nude. Remember these people have different cultural standards regarding nudity than Americans. They will not sit and giggle at everyone’s parts. It’s like an everyday occurrence to them and serves as no big deal.

 What you should do instead: Sitting on a folded towel is considered acceptable. If you’re too modest to appear naked, strip down, but wrap yourself in a towel.

 4. Not Getting Lei’d

It’s offensive in: Hawaii

 It’s offensive to refuse or immediately remove a lei. Leis in the Hawaiian Islands aren’t just pretty floral necklaces that you get when you check into your hotel or show up at a luau. They’re a centuries-old cultural symbol of welcome, friendship, and appreciation.

 What you should do instead: Never refuse a lei—it’s considered highly disrespectful—or whip it off in the giver’s presence. If you’re allergic to the flowers, explain so, but offer to put it in some place of honor, say in the center of the table, or on a statue. Note that closed leis should be worn not hanging from the neck, but over the shoulder, with half draped down your chest and the other half down your back.

 5. Looking Someone in the Eye…or Not

It’s offensive to look someone in the eye in: Korea, Japan

It’s offensive not to look someone in the eye in: Germany, U.S.

 For Americans, not making direct eye contact can be considered rude, indifferent, or weak, but be careful how long you hold someone’s gaze in other countries. In some Asian nations, prolonged eye contact will make a local uncomfortable, so don’t be offended if you’re negotiating a deal with someone who won’t look you straight in the eye. As a tourist in Japan, the locals get obviously very uncomfortable with eye contact and some feel insulted.

 If toasting with friends in a German beer hall, your eyes had better meet theirs—if they don’t, a German superstition says you’re both in for seven years of bad luck in the bedroom.

 What you should do instead: Avoid constant staring and follow the behavior of your host—and by all means, look those Germans straight on.

 6. Drinking Alcohol the Wrong Way

It’s offensive in: Latin America, France, Korea, Russia

 Every culture has different traditions when it comes to drinking etiquette. Fail to consume a vodka shot in one gulp in Russia, and your host will not be impressed. Refill your own wine glass in France without offering more to the rest of the table, and you’ve made a faux pas. In Korea, women can pour only men’s drinks—not other women’s—and if you want a refill, you need to drain your glass. And if you’re in Latin America, never pour with your left hand—that’s bad luck.

 What you should do instead: Until you’re culturally fluent, leave it to your pals to pour.

 7. Blowing Your Nose

It’s offensive in: Japan, China, Saudi Arabia, France

 Some cultures find it disgusting to blow your nose in public—especially at the table. The Japanese and Chinese are also repelled by the idea of a handkerchief. As Mark McCrum points out in his book Going Dutch in Beijing, the Japanese word hanakuso unpleasantly means nose waste.

 What you should do instead: If traveling through Eastern and Asian countries, leave the hankies at home and opt for disposable tissues instead. In France as well as in Eastern countries, if you’re dining and need to clear your nasal passages, excuse yourself and head to the restroom. Worst-case scenario: make an exaggerated effort to steer away from the table. Let’s hope you don’t have a cold.

 8. Not Removing Your Shoes

It’s offensive in: Hawaii, the South Pacific, Korea, China, and Thailand

 Take off your shoes when arriving at the door of a London dinner party and the hostess will find you uncivilized, but fail to remove your shoes before entering a home in Asia, Hawaii, or the Pacific Islands and you’ll be considered disrespectful. Not only does shoe removal very practically keeps sand and dirt out of the house, it’s a sign of leaving the outside world behind.

 What you should do instead: If you see a row of shoes at the door, start undoing your laces. If not, keep the shoes on.

 9. Talking Over Dinner

It’s offensive in: Africa, Japan, Thailand, China, and Finland (mostly amongst traditionalist people)

 In some countries, like China, Japan, and some African nations, the food’s the thing, so don’t start chatting about your day’s adventures while everyone else is digging into dinner. You’ll likely be met with silence—not because your group is unfriendly, but because mealtimes are for eating, not talking. Also avoid conversations in places a country might consider sacred or reflective—churches in Europe, temples in Thailand, and saunas in Finland.

 What you should do instead: Keep quiet! Or if you are talking, keep in mind that other cultures do not speak loudly, even outside. Always use your inside voice!

 10. Road Rage

It’s offensive in: Hawaii, Russia, France, Italy…and pretty much everywhere else. Just ask yourself: do you really want to go to a foreign prison?

 Honk on Molokai or fail to pay a police officer a fine, a.k.a. bribe, on the spot when you’re stopped for speeding in Russia, and you’ll risk everything from scorn to prison time. Remember, too, that hand gestures have different meanings in other countries—a simple “thumbs-up” is interpreted as an “up yours” in parts of the Middle East.

 What you should do Instead: when driving abroad, make sure you have an international driver’s license; never, ever practice road rage; and keep your hands on the wheel. And, in general, don’t be a douche.

 10. Signing Off with a Kiss

It’s offensive in: potentially anywhere

 The ease and brevity of global e-mail has allowed us to dispense with formalities that we might use over the phone or in person, but beware being overly familiar when e-mailing overseas, or using e-speak or emoticons that might not translate, like BTW, TTFN, LOL, or 😉 or ;-/ to indicate winking or confusion. E-mail sign-offs can also give pause. Americans and Brits send the merest acquaintances messages ending with xxoo, which an Arab recipient might find shocking and offensive. Similarly, don’t think the Chinese are summoning the devil when departing with “666” (that’s good luck), or that a French or Dubai pal has made a typo with “Cdlt” (a shortcut for cordialement) or “Aa” (slang for the Arab greeting Assalamu alaikum).

 What you should do instead: Stick to words, keep it short and courteous, and unless you know the recipient well, hold back on the kisses and hugs.

 11. Speaking Loudly

It’s offensive in: Europe and several other countries

 How can you easily tell and American from a European on a sidewalk or subway? If you can hear them from twenty feet away. In Europe, people conduct conversations not in whispers but quieter than our often boisterous language. A full subway car will have several people carrying various conversations but the overall noise level will never reach higher than a dull buzz. They consider the louder conversations rude and interrupting. Have you ever experienced someone speaking loudly on a cell phone in a store or elevator? That’s how they view our sound level of conversation.

 What you should do instead: Be aware of your speaking volume. Remember to always use your “inside voice” and never yell across a street or subway care. Observe the people around you.

 If you avoid these and other faux pas, you will not only have a greater interaction with the locals but they will also be more willing to give you directions, show you around, and talk more. How would you like it if a foreign visitor rudely came into our towns and expected us to follow their customs?

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