Things Every Twenty-Something is Tired of Hearing

Published April 10, 2014 by harleyquinnly


Have you ever felt any of these?

1. What do you really want to do with your life?

I don’t freaking know right now. I don’t even know what I want for dinner. Isn’t this the time in my life I’m supposed to be figuring that out? How can I figure it out before I figure it out?

2. Did you buy [insert anything here] with your own money?

No, I just made a wish on broken hopes and promises and it appeared on a glittery unicorn. I sacrificed and ate peanut butter and condiments for months but now I have a real mattress.

3. You could always move back in with your parents.

Yeah, because my parents took care of me and raised me, pushing me to be successful in school and work to just have me depressingly move back in with them. If I move back in with them I have officially failed, or my life has gone awry somewhere. If some catastrophe happens, like I randomly get laid off, and I have to, let’s just not talk about it.

4. You do want to get married eventually, right?

Don’t even get me started. I’m still figuring things out, including what I want. But when you say it like that, what if I don’t? Am I an alien with lobsters crawling out of my ears if my life goal is to work hard, achieve my dreams, and do something else? Oh wait, I missed the memo from the 1950s that my goal in life is to get married and procreate. My bad.

5. So, have you had a lot of different jobs?

I’ve always wished in job interviews I could really say what I want to answer this one. Yes, I’ve had several jobs. I’d stay there until I was running the entire store by myself because my stoned out coworkers had been fired or just disappeared. And after my soul had been lost and my hope for humanity demolished after repeated interaction with the general public. Oh, and the job I had where I was attacked by a customer, the one where I smelled like fish from cleaning tanks all day, had my fingers chewed by hamsters and parakeets…I should’ve stuck with those minimum wage jobs?

6. Good thing you’re young and don’t have to worry about health insurance.

*Sigh* Even if I had absolute perfect health (which I don’t) I still get sick even though I avoid everyone that appears to have a plague. Oh, and I’m female which means that I have a body part that requires its own doctor, medication, and care!

7. You must be good at the internets.

Yeah…just stop. Just because I’m in my twenties doesn’t mean I can troubleshoot your computer…but I can plug it in and turn it on. I received the administrator rights to my work’s social media once because ‘hey, you’re in your twenties, you know how to do this.’ Nevermind that I had no experience/knowledge in online marketing. (Thankfully I learned).

8. Have you tried online dating?

Um, no. That’s fine if it’s your thing but I attract stalkers and have been assigned my own police detective for retraining orders by meeting people the old fashioned way.

9. When are you going to get a real job?

I HAVE A REAL JOB. Even one that I went to college for. I’ve had a professional job for four years-stop assuming I’m still working at Walgreens (no offense if you are, you’ll get out someday) It’s not my fault the professional job pays less than the jobs my noneducated friends work. So shut up.

10. You don’t need to make that much money, you’re just starting out.

Yeah…I totally just called the electric company and they said I could skip the bill because I was just starting out. My hopes and dreams would fuel the power for a little while longer.

I have bills just like any one else of any age, I just don’t have any children. I have to pay for shelter, food, transportation, healthcare, etc.


11. How do you feel about turning thirty?

Um, I don’t know. Ask me when I turn thirty.

12. How much do you pay in rent?

I’d rather talk about anything else but the unspeakable amount of money I’m paying to live in a place where I can hear the neighbor’s sex, see/smell drug deals, and dive for the floor when you hear people outside arguing because you’ve been through a drive-by.

13. Your biological clock is ticking…

See number four…and f*%& off.


14. You could consider freezing your eggs and then using a surrogate. 

No offense to those who have, but that process deserves a purple heart medal. It’s painful and super expensive. Plus a little weird. But I just adopted a cute new kitten!

15. How much debt do you have?

Um…well, I am an American and have gone to college…Shut up. (And no, I’m not irresponsible with me money. I spent it on useful, well hopefully, things like education and health care).

16. You know, the right person will come around when you least expect it.

This would be more comforting if we were talking about the pizza delivery boy.

17. These are the best years of your life.

I’m utterly depressed and don’t want to see the rest of my life. I’m suffering through the constant anxiety, frustration, poverty, etc. clinging desperately to the hope that I’m working this hard so someday, maybe someday, I can afford name brand shampoo.

This original article/list is from Buzzfeed at I’ve just added my own comments.

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